Grow


I've been hesitant to write this page. I'm still not sure what to write, so I'm going to give myself the grace to just 'brain dump' rather than stew over a well formed piece. It's a story that is still in the process of being redeemed, and has not yet seen the fulfillment of that redemption. However I know that with any part of our walk, it's the journey AND the destination that count, not one or the other. So I write wishing that someone who reads this will find hope, and the One who deserves it gets all the glory.

 For those close friends and family who read this page and are made (for the first time) aware of this part of our journey, I apologise. Until now I've kept this part of our story close to my heart, walking through this pain with only the prayers of a small few. I guess my reasoning was, 'the fewer people who knew, the less exposed I was and the less real and painful the experience had to be'. However there comes a time where we are given beauty from ashes and I am ready to put away the ashes (Isaiah 61:3).

Towards the end of 2010, my amazing husband and I discovered that we were pregnant and we were extremely overjoyed. I had wanted this since I was four years old. Only five short weeks later I suffered a heartbreaking miscarriage (I promise I'll write that part of our journey another time). Walking through that event and the months that have followed since have been unlike anything I've ever experienced to this point. Fear, Weeping, Hope, Suffering, Peace, Pain, Anger, Bitterness, Trust, Dread, Lies, Surrender. I've been stretched to breaking point and beyond like never before. I'm still walking and waiting, I have great days and days I want to blot from existence they are so full of fear and failure (I promise to blog that part of my journey also).

I titled this page grow, because I wanted it to share the physical growth of our little family.  However in writing this piece, I  now realize that this walk is going to bring about growth other than just physical. We're not pregnant yet. Each day I'm hoping and praying and waiting and being challenged and changed by it.   So much of my past and my mindset are being redeemed along the way. My dreams are growing beyond just the psychical expansion of my family. I am becoming more of who I was meant to be and am throwing out more the falsehood and facade that I've pursued. This part and along with it, a host of others are being redeemed as I walk this walk. However like I said, I am yet to see fulfillment of that redemption for this small snippet of my larger journey. It's coming though, I know it. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3


Stick with me and you'll see it too.