Stop the ride I WANNA GET OFF!

Friday, July 6, 2012

There is peace in my home at the moment, I have two sleeping boys. The little one has been asleep for 2 hours and 50 minutes (says my iphone baby app) and the big one crashed upstairs after doing the graveyard shift with bubba whilst Mumma slept. 

(Ignore the fact that it says I only fed my child 13 hours ago, I often forget to fill things in)

It feels glorious to have managed to make a protein packed breakfast, have a quiet time, and put on ANOTHER load of washing (which never seems to end). While I wait for my little man to wake up for a feed I've been sitting on my (clean) lounge room floor playing praise and worship music (yes I am aware that worship doesn't just pertain to music) to my sleeping son, I have been reflecting. 

A week ago someone (a professional) had a chat to me about my penchant for perfection and being judgmental and critical of myself. She said to me, "You wouldn't expect other people to be perfect, so why don't you have some self compassion?", I was shocked that I could hear a little voice inside my head saying "Yes I would, I am always critical of efforts that are less than perfect"! Ekkkkkkk

There it was, I had a problem with perfection. Expecting myself to be perfect and holding everyone else to the same ridiculously high standards, (in the secret space of my head of course). Running around cleaning my house 50 times a day, washing so many dishes that my hands are starting to dry out, straightening the magazines on the coffee table again and again, and that dust it's everywhere, my duster gets a daily work out. The bloody problem with perfection is that the pursuit of it is exhausting, and frankly I wonder if there is such a thing as perfect?! My husband is constantly saying "There are no 'good' people, there's just bad people and Jesus". 

Now I am seeking peace not only in my home, but in my heart as well. Today I'm starting by finding joy in the ordinary things (my hand largely forced by the fact that now I'm a mum I have no time for much else), things like sitting down for breakfast, having 5 minutes to read the word, being able to play worship music to my sleeping son and to lay hands on him in prayer, that my yeti style eyebrows finally got waxed!!!

I think that if you are insane enough to get on the perfection roller coaster, there is no getting off, because it doesn't stop. A departure requires flinging yourself from the speeding menace, then run. Run and don't look back. 

No comments: