Lying to myself!

Monday, August 29, 2011

I remember the complete and utter shock I got when I realised for the first time that, not everyone thinks as I do and worse, the truth may not actually be as I see it.

My early uni days studying part of a counselling degree gave me enough knowledge to know the basics about thoughts, scripts and behaviours. Enough to know that they are difficult to recognise, harder to challenge and even bloody harder to change. Not to say it can't be done, however its a rarity that one decides, blinks hard, clicks their heels 3 times and hey presto = change. And if you are one of those few, more power to you. But I ain't! I'm like the rest of the population and add to that I struggle from depression and anxiety.

Let me be brave and share with you some of the bullcrap (sorry if that offended but I want to drive home the severity of the point) that I believe and assault my mind on a daily basis.

I am and always will be a failure, that's just who I am.

I have screwed up that many times that God rolls his eyes in frustration at me and stops paying attention to me.

My friends don't really like me they just tolerate me, and breathe a sigh of relief when I leave.

I can't go out with my friends because I am too fat and look terrible.

I will never loose weight, change my lifestyle and become healthy, I don't have what it takes.

Despite what he says, my husband only likes my body because he has too.

If I had have been healthy I wouldn't have had a miscarriage.

I will never be happy until I am skinny.

Pretty nasty stuff hey. But I'm trying really hard to "think about what I'm thinking about". I need constant reminders to meditate on the truth instead of stewing on the lies that are second nature. Today I did myself a favor, I wrote one lie that I believe about myself on a piece of scrap paper, then I screwed the bastard up and threw it in the trash. Afterwards I thought long and hard about 2 truths that I want to believe in place of that lie and I stuck one on the fridge and one on our bathroom mirror so that I'll be confronted with those often.

It's going to be a super long road, however I desire to change the way I think about myself. I'm not going to listen to the dark wet cloud that hangs over me, or the black dog that nips at my heels anymore. SHOO!

Confront a lie that you believe about yourself, you are brave enough too! Think upon a beautiful truth about the unique and wonderful person you are - YOU ARE WORTH IT!


Caitlin Maree said...

I love this Becks - thanks for sharing! A great reminder! xx

Kymmie said...

That is so honest of you for sharing all of that. And you know it's all not true right? Love your post it notes. Surely that will remind you how awesome you are, and knowing that God loves you is The Best. xx

amumsministry said...

I so appreciate your honestly Beck! And to join you I too think many of these things about myself! Thank you for the encouragement, and the idea of a practically way to attack this BULLCRAP! xox