Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Sweet vs Sour?

Oh how I wish there were never any difficult, hard, painful, terrible, troublesome, wearying, weeping times in life. If only the world were a spoonful of sugar, sunshine, lollipops and rainbows all of the time! I know you've had exactly the very same thought before, if not more than once.

However if I give wisdom a look in, I have realized that sweet and sour are a package deal. You can't have one without the other (think 'Married with Children' theme music). It's those mouth puckering, eye scrunching sour moments that allow us to see just how sweet, sweet truly is. If you ate candy for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all the snacks in between surely it wouldn't seem so very wonderful, remember Edward and all his Turkish Delight tummy aches in 'The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe'.

Life has had me pinned to the ground by the scruff of the neck of late. As I mentioned in my last post, I've recently been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The nasty side effects of new medication, the pain of the 'emotional surgery' (as my mum so aptly named it) from talking to a psychiatrist, and just anxiety in general have made me feel like I've just gone a round with Mike Tyson and he is a professional boxer, me.....not. So the result would be classed as a 'knock out'.

It's down here, on the ground that I've realized the sourest of moments shows me how brightly the sun shines. People react in many different ways when you're down for the count. Some keep walking and talking as if you're right there with them and nothing has happened. Some stand by you with sympathetic looks on their faces and pat you on the back. Some thoughtlessly chastise you about not wanting to subject yourself to horrible stories on the news or some film about refugees (because more woe is exactly what I need at the moment). Some offer you a hand in an effort to help you up, and then there are those beautiful, rare few who sit, or even lie down in the muck on the ground with you.

These rare angels don't try to fix your woes or pretend like everything is peachy. They just get down close, next to you and offer you the precious gift of companionship as you struggle. I have a handful of these amazing people in my life, and it is this current 'sour' time in my life that has given them the opportunity to show me the depth of their care for me. I knew they loved me, but I didn't know they loved me this much.

My husband is one of these fine specimen of people. I've changed my medication recently and this new one makes me nauseous like the worst of stomach bugs. And to add the the drama, at the very same time I got that body aching flu :( He made me chicken soup and garlic bread, bought me Coyote Ugly on blue ray, got 3 different types of mint lollies to help with the 'vomits' and purchased a 'throw rug' so that I wouldn't be cold when I sat on the couch. What a rare breed of man I married.

When I fall asleep at night I've taken to saying an ABC prayer of gratefulness to keep my mind distracted, it's the most wonderful idea. For each letter of the alphabet I say one thing, anything, that I'm grateful for and work my way through until I fall asleep. There are a number of names that keep popping up each night, and I have realized that it's in my darkest moments that these amazing people have opportunity to shine.

Dark & Light, Day & Night, Sweet & Sour, Black & White.... you see they are two pieces of a puzzle, you can't have one without the other. They make each other and give definition and clarity to the one another. So next time you're down and out, experiencing that sourness, keep your eyes peeled for the sweetness that will etch it's way through the darkness and wrap itself around your heart. It will delight you beyond words.

Odd Socks!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

It's much too early, far too cold, and I can't find my socks!

I know I went to bed with them on, however somewhere in the night they must have escaped from my feet. My husband has just come home from night shift and crawled into bed, I don't have the heart to rummage around under then sheets in pursuit of some stupid socks in case I wake him. I've just discovered I don't have one pair of clean socks in my drawer! All I've managed to find is a single solitary sock (i don't even think it's mine). My new slippers are semi wet from a tussle with the washing machine to rid them of that well worn foot smell (yes I wash very dirty shoes, and sometimes even my havaianas on occasion).

So I've got cold feet.... but a warm heart. A warm heart because I woke up to a dream inspiring message from my SIL, that gave hope little wings and set it to flight! More later...

I haven't had time to put my fingers to work on a blog post for a while. I've been busy dealing with some garbage. Anxiety and a fear that threatens to choke the dear life out of me. There have been nights where I've had family on the phone because I thought I was dying and my poor husband had to rush home from work in the middle of the night, to 'rub my back' and coax me into repeat after him 'it's all okay'. It's been real rough and I'm over it, to the point where I want to take a heavy, spiked club and beat the living snot out of it! Anxiety I mean! However being done with it, fed up with it, is a wonderful turning point.... it means I've developed some fight - cue 'eye of the tiger'. Being diagnosed with anxiety as well as starting a new job and enrolling in study has been one mammoth load to bear.

Back to the warm heart, Annie was so right though, when she sung 'the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun!'.... the sun always rises, that's one thing you can count on.

This morning I woke and as I mentioned I had a message from my SIL, I'd like to post it for you:

♥ There's a house with shutters and an old stone wall with dark green vines tracing up the sides. The birds are chirping in the cool autumn air and the crunchy leaves are raining down onto the rectangular gray footpaths. A soft hum of traffic. A house with a blue door...then a yellow door...then a red door... Red geraniums clambering aimlessly out of their pots. Cobble stone back streets. An open air field with a rich man's horse grazing on fresh, lush grass...North heart belongs to you. ♥ sweet dreams Bec.

She's reminiscing about a place she used to live, a place that is going to become my home next year. I went to sleep dreaming of my new home and all the beautiful decorating I was going to do and woke up to the beautiful picture above and felt like someone was whispering to me a promise, that the sun is coming... I'm excited and filled with anticipation because today my husband makes the phone call to set the date for his final interview for ALC. We will fly to Adelaide, see my beautiful SIL and little brother, get excited about the prospect of the future, eat a honey log or two and Mr B will talk to the important people about his future.

214 days until we move! And it's in moments like this, that make me remember that, no matter how odd my socks..... the sun WILL come out! xx

Happy Birthday Baby

Saturday, June 18, 2011

My hero of a husband turns 31! I am so in love with this man, always wondering just how it is that I managed to be so utterly blessed to be the one he chose to be his forever!

Today I.....

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

  • Woke up groggy (from muscle relaxants) and tried to navigate the stairs down to the toilet without my contact lenses in - Enough Said!
  • Breakfast = Stood in front of the fridge for about 15 minutes
  • Result = Baked Beans on Toast - need to watch more Masterchef!
  • Cleaned - OCD style
  • Realised that I'd been paid - Resulting in Happy Dance
  • Woke Mr B in hopes of enticing him to go to IKEA!
  • Felt guilty about waking Mr
  • Felt excited about driving newly registered and service car with newly burnt Glee CD to IKEA
  • Roamed the aisles of IKEA conjuring designer dreams for our new home.
  • Ate 2 IKEA hot dogs - sorry diet
  • Car fails to start - 2 hours till work???!?!??!?!?!?!?
  • &*$#@*%
  • Join RACQ road side assist over phone - come to our rescue
  • Car towed away to mechanic, needs new fuel pump $300 - @&^$@&%%!
  • Work - Reinforce my decision to control spank aka 'SMACK' my own children on day
  • Sushi Dinner - Redeems day
  • Watch 3 Episodes of Masterchef (wonder who is this Shannon girl) & Read Donna Hay Mag - ooooooh she now sells macaroons.

{Sweet IKEA finds}