"In the black (cloud) corner... 'waiting', and if the (seeing) red corner... 'Rebecca'"

Friday, March 18, 2011

So it turns out that we are still waiting. Sigh. Waiting for that little part of my dream to become a reality. Waiting for our family to grow +1. Can I be honest? I flippin hate waiting (and the flippin was keeping it G rated). I struggle with it so much! Waiting and I are like mortal enemies. I set out to be strong, positive and take a 'not yet' in my stride, I do well, for all of about 5 minutes. What follows is whinging, whining, many tears, a good dose of yelling and a dash of moping = recipe for disaster. That's probably why I'm still waiting, why I've been learning the 'waiting lesson' for most of my life. 

I realized something HUGE this morning. Like strike me 3 times over with a bolt of lighting huge.
 I don't have to like the waiting. 
I will give you a moment to re-read that. ...................... That's a massive realization right?!!! Or am I the only one riding the crystal clear train at the moment? Here I am wrestling with the idea that 'lovin the wait' has to move from my head to my heart. Trying to force it down, praying it will miraculously migrate, binding up all the devils I think are keeping me from it. Shheesh what a weirdo!

At the exact moment I discovered we were still waiting, my promise verse for the day popped up onto my phone. Like at the exact same time, some beautiful synchronized divine orchestration (yes God can use an iphone). It is titled "HOPE" and the verse - Jeremiah 29:11. You know it.... 

 And oldie but a goodie. 

However I saw something I've never noticed before. Usually everyone latches onto the "future and hope" part, we run with that bit.... 'it's a comin, there is a light at the end of this stinkin tunnel'. Not this time, 3 words stood tall and proud above the rest saying 'pick me pick me', the words NOT FOR EVIL. And in that (what hinged on being a) despondent moment, I saw the real light. This waiting, it's not for evil, therefore IT IS NOT EVIL. And that's the truth!

Here I am thinking, it's mean, it's cruel, it's too hard, it's evil, and IT'S NOT. I may not like waiting, but whether I like it or not doesn't change what it is or isn't, IT'S NOT EVIL. So what is it then if it's not evil? "Plans for wholeness". It's part of the plan for wholeness. And who doesn't want that right? So the tunnel isn't so stinkin' anymore it's just a part of the path. 

I can't guarantee that if there is more waiting ahead I will like it. I might even cry, and then some. However it won't be because I am thinking 'this waiting is evil', because while 'waiting' and I are not yet friends, we are definitely no longer enemies. 

thnx for the {image}

1 comment:

Lauren said...

that is a good verse! glad it gave you some new perspective, and that you had this light bulb moment!
love you lots sister...and by the way your blog is looking ACES!! :) xx