Real life scrubs!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Last night I had a brush with death!! 

Hardly.......... however the thought did creep into my mind once or twice inducing fear and vomiting.

  • 1am Mr B races home from night shift to take me to the Emergency room. I ring him at intervals to tell him to hurry. Let's hope we don't incur a speeding fine.
  • 2am A rather stoic nurse jabs me with needles and hands me a little plastic cup (samples of bodily fluids). Shouldn't nurses be nice to you when you are petrified you're going to die?
  • 3am Napping on the waiting room chairs, annoying infomercials blare and emergency room lights    hum and flicker. A man comes in, his arm wrapped in a jumper. He calmly but rather loudly lets the stoic nurse know he has 'chopped his arm right off'. I try not to look, that would surely make me vomit again. +100 points to him for being so calm though. Maybe it was the alcohol?
  • 4am Mr B raids the vending machine and comes back with fruit pieces. What the? Nothing for me, the sign on the wall says abdominal pain = nil by mouth. I contemplate why they don't paint the waiting room walls a nice pastel yellow. Isn't that a calming colour?
  • 5am A heavily pregnant woman comes through the doors crying. Walks back out again, waits for a bit then re-enters. Walks back out again and stands outside crying. Partner arrives and they enter. At least she won't have to lie on these hard chairs for hours. The old lady behind us is picking her nose. 
  • 6am I contemplate the fact that my pain is clearly NOT life threatening if they have left me here so long. Spoken too soon. They call my name, usher us into an observation room and tell me to put on the gown. A gown? Why? They leave us without a word. Now I know how hardened criminals in isolation feel. 
  • 7am  It's freezing, maybe they are trying to make people sick? I ask for a blanket. After telling the registrar who comes that I'm a little petrified by being asked to 'don a gown', she goes to look at my blood work. She seems nice. Later I find out she's a tad nutty. 
  • 8am All bodily fluids A-OKAY. Sigh of relief, now I can picture myself living to a ripe old age. While we wait for our doctor to come, we listen to crazy registrar and friend talk about: throwing a dress up party where everyone dresses as blue smurfs, a boyfriends stalker dropping over unannounced for a swim, and which of the nurses to avoid. It is just like a scene out of scrubs! 
  • 9am A purple scrubbed doctor comes and asks a billion questions. She's sitting on the desk, is that professional? She say's wee, that's clearly not professional. She's nice though. Husband notes she looks like a gold fish. What they? Dying here.... or not!
  • 10am Purple doctor brings a blue doctor, more questions. Clearly they are baffled. "Do an ultrasound, that's what Mr B says Physio's do when they don't have any idea what's wrong". I wonder how many colours scrubs come in. Is there a fashion niche in this market? Colourful doctors order x-ray of lungs, close enough to ultrasound!
  • 11am We can leave, they don't know what's wrong. See your friendly GP if symptoms persist. Glad to be out of there and alive! See you later purple doctor, blue smurfs and unfriendly nurses. Scrubs isn't just a comedy, it's real!
My verdict = torn abdominal muscle as a result of bad pilates technique. Hardly life threatening, however we did manage to get some pictures so I could blog about it. Any lengths to get material.

Here's to all of you who have ever braved the Emergency Room wait! xo


Anna said...

Very good story. I enjoyed it! I hope your muscles are feeling better! What a scary night for you! But very well documented.

Becks said...

:) Glad to be alive and kicking. You know what I'm like. Freak Out!